You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one
parachute.
*Pessimist:* you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump
anyway.
*Optimist:* you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps
just like this before.
*Procrastinator:* you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
*Bureaucrat:* you order them to conduct a feasibility study on
parachute use in melti-engine aircraft under corde red conditions.
*Lawyer:* you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
*Doctor:* you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the
parachute in order to make your next appointment.
*Sales executive:* you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and
get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
*Internal Revenue Service:* you confiscate the parachute along with
their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
*Advertiser:* you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a
neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
*Engineer:* you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and
dental floss.
*Scientist:* you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a
report on how well it worked.
*Mathematician:* you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that
it will work in all cases.
*Philosophy:* you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
*English:* you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute
instructions.
*Comparative Literature:* you read the parachute instructions in all
four languages.
*Computer Science:* you design a machine capable of operating a
parachute as well as a human being could.
*Economics:* you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular
intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
*Psychoanalysis:* you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds
them of.
*Drama:* you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character
of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
*Art:* you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
*Republican:* as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work
hard and not expect handouts.
*Democrat:* you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can cut
the parachute into two equal pieces.
*Libertarian:* after reminding them of their constitutional right to
have a parachute, you take it and jump out.
*Ross Perot:* you tell them not to worry, since it wonUt take you long
to learn how to fix a plane.
*Surgeon General:* you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous
to your health.
*Association of Tobacco Growers:* you explain very patiently that
despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown no link
whatsoever between airplane crashes and death.
*National Rifle Association:* you shoot them and take the parachute.
*Police Bigot:* you beat them unconscious with the parachute.
*Environmentalist:* you refuse to use the parachute unless it is
biodegradable.
*Objectivist:* your only rational and moral choice is to take the
parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.
*Branch Davidian (David Koresh):* you get inside the parachute and
refuse to come out.
*Sports Fan:* you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
*Auto Mechanic:* as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it
works fine.
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英文笑话THE PARACHUTE PARADIGM
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