学生作文评点(2002河北省中考题)

根据提示和要求完成下列短文。（15分）

假如你（Li Lei）在去年夏令营认识的一个朋友Jim从英国给你寄来一件礼物——一件红色的衬衫，并附有一封信。在信中他向你问好，他想知道你最近在忙些什么。请你给他写一封回信（100个词左右）表示感谢。回信要包括以下内容：

1）向Jim问好并对他表示感谢。

2）红色是你最喜欢的颜色，尺寸很合适，你非常喜欢。

3）告诉Jim你近来很好，上周刚过完生日，生日聚会很热闹。询问Jim的近况，并希望他能来中国。

注意：

1）信的格式已经给出。

2）信中不得使用真实的人名、地名。

65 Zhonghua Street

Shijiazhuang 050000

Hebei China

June 21st，2002

Dear Jim，

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

                                 Your friend，

                                 Li Lei

                         （2002河北省中考题）

考生作文：

65 Zhonghua Street

Shijiazhuang 050000

Hebei China

June 21st，2002

Dear Jim ，

How are you？Thank you for the shirt！I'm glad to hear a letter from 失分点①you again．

I like the shirt very much．And red is my favourite colour！It's just my size．Every time I wear it，I will remember 失分点② you．I'm fine here in China．Last week I had a birthday party．Some of my classmates came and my mother made us many 失分点③ food，we had a good time together．How are you doing in England，Jim？I miss you very much．I hope you can come to China someday．

Please write back soon．

                                                             Your friend，

                                                             Li Lei

①hear from本身含有“收到某人的来信”之意，故不必加上a letter，改为 hear from。

②remember意思是“记住”，此处宜改为think of（想起）。

③many修饰可数名词。food是不可数名词，故应改为much或a lot of。

                                               （河北一考生）

简评：

本篇文章得分12分，满分为15分。该文章包含了所有要点，并能有所发挥，内容较丰富。应用的语言结构和词汇能满足任务要求，句子较通顺，表达较清楚，有少量语言错误，达到了预期的写作目的。

参考范文：

65 Zhonghua Street

Shijiazhuang 050000

Hebei China

June 21st，2002

Dear Jim ，

How are you？Many thanks for the shirt．I'm very happy to hear from you again．

I love the shirt very much，Jim．And red is my favourite colour！You remembered！It's just my size．Every time I wear it，I will think of you．

I'm fine here in China．Last week I had a birthday party．Many of my classmates came and my mother made us a lot of good food．We really had a wonderful time together．How are you doing in England，Jim？I miss you very much．I always miss the days we were together last summer．I hope you can come to China someday．

Please write back soon．

                                                            Your friend，

                                                            Li Lei